Balancing Act

Before I had my second child, everyone warned me how difficult is was going to be. Friends and family thought I'd go crazy without help at least a couple times per week. But staying at home meant we had to cut back on spending, so having a nanny or weekly babysitter wasn't in the budget. I was happily surprised to find that the first few months of having a newborn and not-yet two year old wasn't that tough. A part of me wanted to say, "See everyone, it's totally possible to do this by myself and still remain sane!". There were definitely days that were challenging, but overall time flew by without too many hitches. Before I knew it, my newborn wasn't a newborn anymore -- at five months old he cut his first tooth, and two days later, his second. Owen has always been a happy kid but with each passing day, he's become more animated, more vocal, and much more curious about the world around him. My daughter, Madeleine, had been a relatively easy baby, but now she's knee deep in the toddler phase and that's a whole new ballgame. For the first time since Owen's birth, I'm feeling stretched trying to give both kids what they need, when they need it. Foolish me -- I thought I had this whole thing mastered. I'm realizing now that the hard part is only beginning.

I was at the park yesterday and after ten minutes, I couldn't help but think of Octo-mom. Madeleine was in the sand and ready to build sand castles. All she wanted was for me to sit with her and play. Owen has just started walking, so as long as his little legs are cruising, he's happy. Unfortunately, he likes to hold my hand while he waddles along, which means I have to be up. In the past I could get Owen to sit in the sand with us, and even though that usually meant he'd end up eating some, it was the price I paid (or he paid) for keeping Madeleine content. Things changed yesterday -- he wanted to walk everywhere and sitting in the sand wasn't an option. So I did what any mother with more than one child does -- I ran back and forth between the two of them; I'd walk with Owen for a minute and then leave him holding onto a ladder to go build a sand castle with Madeleine. This worked for a little while until they decided this juggling wasn't sufficient. Both started wailing and were no longer interested in walking or playing in the sand. That's when Octo-mom came to mind. How can she possibly give all of those children the attention they need and deserve? I was having problems just managing my two at the park for an hour. I can't begin to imagine what she goes through every hour of the day. I'm not saying that my children don't get plenty of attention because they do -- it's just not always equal. Owen is at an age where everything he does is adorable and he gets applause for almost every accomplishment (stacking blocks, playing peek-a-boo.... you know what I mean). Madeleine can be left out occasionally because of that. As our first-born, she's been spoiled just because of birth order but she's had to take a backseat lately, and that makes me sad. She doesn't miss a beat, so every time Owen gets extra kisses or accolades for his daily successes, she's aware of it. I do my best to include Madeleine and praise her as much as possible, but it's hard to compete with a smiley, drooling, chunky eleven month old who can't talk back yet.

We're all aware of our strengths and weaknesses, but as a parent my children reveal weaknesses I didn't know I had. There's nothing more humbling than having to say you're sorry to a two year old. I think I'm a good mother but Madeleine and Owen remind me that I have a lot of learning to do, and balancing their needs is just the tip of the iceberg.